I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
