When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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