i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
