im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
