i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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