The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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