You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
