shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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