My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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