i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
