When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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