We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
