peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
