Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
