oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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