There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We are two peas in an std pod
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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