p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I did not marry a roomba.
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