I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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