My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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