wat bout pragnant strippers??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
