i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize