i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
