Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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