Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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