Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
