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Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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