I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow