PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...