Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL