I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.