I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that