I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize