He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
