I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
