Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
