So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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