is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Two words: blizzard sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
