yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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