Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
