Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
