I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
