it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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