3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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