so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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