You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.