Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want her autograph on my taint
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."