my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
