i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
