He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's get the cat blown out
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
