WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
