If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
