So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
