so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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