wakey wakey hands off snakey
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
