In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
