some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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