history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
