I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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