hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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