Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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