I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
