Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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