I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
