She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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